Shit

A long, long time ago, they used to ship manure (containing largely feces) on boats around the mediterranian. Well, the cargo was always on the lowest deck. The problem was, the boats back then would be farely leaky, and water would get in. When water and manure mixed, it would produce a large amount of methane. Careless and unknowing crew members at night would carry torches, and if they went below deck with enough methane, the ship would explode. To solve this problem, they simply started shipping them above deck so any gas could go out into the atmosphere. To make sure this was done, manure-containers would be labelled with "S.H.I.T.". This of course, stands for "Ship High In Transit"

You don't get the shit unless you got the shit.
And if you want the shit you gots to flaunt the shit.
You gotta center the shit before you enter the shit.
Make sure you choose the shit before you use the shit.
'Cause if you abuse the shit, you gonna lose the shit.

[As for how it became a term for feces itself is beyond me...]

Phrases that make me want to kill you

It takes one to know one:
Ever call someone a whore only to be countered with the bullet-proof come back: "well it takes one to know one"? You're basically saying "yes, I spread my legs for money, as do you." Good job Ms. Rotten-crotch, you've rebuked nothing. What difference does it make if the person calling you a slut is one as well? You're still a skanky bitch who charges money for hand jobs--and why the hell are you charging for a hand job anyway? Unless all your clients are paralyzed, any prostitute caught charging someone for a hand job should be sued for extortion. That's another reason prostitution should be legal: you can't really sue a prostitute for extortion if prostitution is illegal now can you wise ass?


I'm a child at heart:
Yeah, you're a child at heart, just as soon as children start going to work every day to rot in a cubicle for a meager pay check so they can drink their troubles away in a shitty bar for the rest of their lives. Unless you're an astronaut, secret agent, vampire hunter, or all three, you're probably a sellout; screw you. Nobody wanted to be a regional director of sales or an investment banker when they were kids. On top of that, nobody thinks you're cute or funny by stating you're a "child at heart" on your stupid online profile that you created because you're a boring middle-aged loser with sagging tits and yellow nails who survives off greasy TV dinners every night as you contemplate the exact moment your life became such a miserable shit hole. But hey, don't take my word for it. After all, passing by "Cartoon Network" as you're flipping through channels technically makes you a "child at heart." Either that or the world's oldest virgin.


Sorry, but (also known as "No offense, but"):
Girls usually say this when they think they're being clever: "sorry, but you're a moron." It's a phrase derived from the expression people use when they're breaking some bad news to an old friend: "I'm sorry to say this, but the results are back and... you're an idiot." The only problem is, they never intend to say it with such eloquence, but rather, they use the phrase like it's a blunt object, hammering their square insult through your round psyche. If you think someone's an idiot, just come out and say it without these pussy apologies you dumb hag. Unless you're a character in a fighting game, have big boobs, and just won the round with a bitch slap, saying "sorry" just before you insult someone is obnoxious, cut the bullshit.


Strangers are just friends waiting to happen:
Yeah, either that or rape in a dark alley waiting to happen.


Hmmmmm / Uhhhhh:
Next time you ask someone a question, look for the trademark sign of an idiot: the "hmmmmm" noise they make while they're thinking. It's especially noticeable when you go to a restaurant and the waitress asks what you want to drink; there's always some fickle fingered asshole thumbing through the menu, sounding off like a moron with "uhhhhhh...." as if the waitress is just going to walk away without taking your order if you don't give her an audible cue that you are still breathing. These are the same type of people who repeat the question you ask them to buy time when they don't know the answer, hoping you won't notice that they're stalling. YOU DONT SEEM TO MAKE A SOUND WHILE YOUR FIVE GOOD NEURONS CRANK OUT THE NEXT MALFORMED SENTENCE FROM YOUR CRETACEOUS SKULL, NUMB NUTS.


Some of the best things in life are free:
Yeah? Well so are some of the worst, and I don't see anyone throwing a party when they get cancer.


Less is more:
Except when it comes to money, fame, and power.


The grass is always greener on the other side:
If the grass is greener on the other side, then the guy with the greener grass doesn't think your grass is greener now does he, asshole? The message that this proverb is trying to stumble through is that everything always looks more attractive when you don't have it. I'm sure there are millionaires crying themselves to sleep every night because they don't live in a trailer park. Just face it: sometimes nobody envies you. There has to be a bottom and that bottom is probably you.

[Several phrases have been excluded from this list to stabilize my blood pressure]

EAT MY SKIRT

This is an unedited clip from an actual anti-smoking brochure. I'm going to assume Mike is the fat one, and the other kid's name is Jerry. Here's how I envision the conversation went immediately after Mike's confession:

Mike: I think my parents would be very disappointed if I ever smoked.

Jerry: Hey, thanks for sharing your feelings with me Mike. Smoking's totally not cool. I'm glad we feel the same way.

Mike: Really?

Jerry: No, limp dick! I'm going to light up a fat blunt and then I'm going to rape your mouth!

1,655,361 people have a skewed perception of reality due to their inability to
recognize subtle corporate propaganda.

Thank you and have a nice day..

Turd.

Pseudo Science?

"she would spank me and hit me for getting up and then to teach me a lesson she would make me lay down on the bed on the top bunk and then get a belt and tie my arms up over my head with a belt to keep me in bed. Lily had to come help me.
Mom even drank out of the toilet and dog dish. Shes not retarded but she was soo scared of making a noise and she got so thirsty that she drank out of the dog dish and tolit so no one would hear her. I dont understand why mom hated us so much. we never did anything to her. maybe we were just born bad. why are we bad. we bad. i love you ma, but you hurt me bad"

Pages from late Amy's diary...treated like an untouchable and shun by her own father as she faced the tyranny of cancer, and lived with her mother suffering from DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder)

This is what the world has come to, and we talk of global warming being the major concern?.. Ha..

Shameful, is what it is..

Senses..

You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it.
That's the way the human mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for usto entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the imprint is always there.
Can't wash it all away
Can't Wish it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't cry it all away
The pain that grips you
The fear that binds you
Releases life in meIn our mutual
Shame we hide our eyes
To blind them from the truth
That finds a way from who we are
Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence
Screaming in our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for youBefore I try to fight the truth my final time
We're supposed to try and be real.
And I feel alone, and we're not together.
And that is real
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot bear it all alone


You're not alone, never... never
But the imprint is always there.
Nothing is ever really forgotten.
Please don't hate me, because I'll die if you do...

[evanescence - understanding]